Crime stats lie...you knew that

My apologies: For some time I have been defending the veracity of the NOPD's crime stats. That was based on cross-checking reports I received from the 8th District with the NOPD's online crime map; they meshed enough to lead me to believe we were getting an accurate report of all crimes in the city. In fact, I was rather brusque this week in refuting one reader's claim that Big Chief Warren Riley's crime stats had holes in them.

I was wrong. I apologize.

My revelation came when looking for something this week about the murder in the Erin Rose bar on 5.2.09. I realized the incident didn't appear on the NOPD's crime map covering that period. Not as an aggravated battery (as it was initially reported). Not as a homicide after the woman died in the hospital. Not at all.

Which leads us to this: If one major case we all know about goes unrecorded like this, why should we trust any of the other statistics the Big Chief rolls out?

Unfortunately, we'll have to deal with this kind of ineptitude until we get a mayor next year who will provide us with a competent police chief who respects the public enough not to lie to them.

When candidates start announcing for mayor, our first question to them ought to be: What are you going to do about crime? Who will be your police chief? If they can't give you a straight and immediate answer, cross them off your list of candidates.

Beware of fat men: Don't let up your vigilance of skinny punk kids running around the French Quarter robbing and shooting people, but beware of a whole host of fat men causing mayhem in the neighborhood:

• Tuesday (5.26.09) 8:06 p.m.: A white man walking near Canal and Royal streets was approached by a black panhandler begging for money. When the would-be Good Samaritan took his wallet out to give the guy something, the street urchin grabbed the wallet and fled into the French Quarter.

The robber was described as 6' tall, weighing 200 pounds, wearing a gold tank top jersey and black basketball shorts.

• Tuesday (5.26.09) 11:15 p.m.: A white woman walking near Dauphine and St. Peter streets was approached by a white guy who grabbed her purse and fled on St. Peter toward N. Rampart Street.

He was described as 6'2" tall, weighing 300 pounds, with short brown hair, and wearing blue jeans.

A couple of weeks earlier, 2 shoeshine "boys" (actually described as men in their 30's) grabbed the money and ran after demanding tips for their unsolicited services. Both were black, one 5'11" tall, weighing 200 pounds; the other 5'8" tall, weighing 225 pounds.

The skinny just as bad: A black woman parking her car Thursday (5.28.09) night at 11:30 p.m. near Conti and Decatur streets was carjacked by a young black dude, 5'9" tall, weighing 145 pounds, with shoulder-length dreadlocks, and wearing all black clothing.

He also grabbed her purse from her shoulder before fleeing in the 1999 Volvo S80 sedan, dark gray in color, with Louisiana license plate SWT 959.

Take that, you, you, you...: Last Monday (5.25.09) a white guy got into a car around 10 p.m. with a black man he knew at St. Louis and Dauphine streets and asked for a ride to N. Rampart Street and Esplanade Avenue.

Enroute, the driver stopped to pick up another black man he knew. He no more than got in the car when he pulled a knife and demanded the white guys money. The white overpowered the 2 black dudes, stabbing both of them with their own knife. He got out of the car and flagged down a passing police cruiser.

Cops arrested Rene Metoyer (right), 31, and Darrell Bell (left), 30. Each was charged with attempted armed robbery. Metoyer is being held in OPP on $50,000 bond; Bell is being held on $300,000 bond.

Can't we all just get along?: On Tuesday (5.26.09) around 4 a.m., 2 white guys bumped into each other at St. Ann and Bourbon streets and proceeded to get into an argument.

Joseph K. Allen, 32, allegedly pulled out a knife and pointed it at the other guy in a threatening manner before running off. The other guy chased him down until police caught up with Allen and arrested him.

They charged him with aggravated assault and criminal damage to state property. He posted $7,500 bond and got of OPP the next day.

Stick this: A carjacker who didn't know how to drive a stick-shift isn't likely to get driver's ed in prison, though he'll be there for 10 years.

Kendrick L. Burbank (pictured), 28, pled guilty to armed robbery 5.20.09 when the DA agreed not to charge him on a multiple bill for all his other crimes over the years. Judge Keva Landrum-Johnson sentenced him to 10 years, giving him credit for time served but denying him early release for good behavior.

His alleged accomplice, Keith Perkins, 18, is due to stand trial 7.29.09.

Burbank and Perkins were arrested 8.10.08 after they rode up on their bicycles as a white man getting out of his car in the 800 block of Dumaine Street (between Bourbon and Dauphine streets) around 10 p.m. One of the thugs pulled a pistol and demanded the driver's car keys.

The 2 suspects got into the man's car and started it up, but were stymied by its manual transmission. The car owner offered them money in exchange for the car keys. They accepted and rode away on their bicycles--with the victim in pursuit in his car on Dumaine toward N. Rampart Street.

Lucky to be alive: In some neighborhoods, you sell a phony drug in place of the real thing, your lifespan significantly decreases.

So Tommy Spires, 34, was lucky to get off with a 5-year suspended sentence from Judge Camille Buras 5.18.09 and the order to get a job and go through drug rehab while on probation.

He spent nearly 4 months in OPP after his arrest on 1.25.09 at St. Louis and Bourbon streets, though his bond was only $5,000. I guess you've got to sell a lot of oregano at those prices to make bond.

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As always, your comments and suggestions are welcome at NOcrimeline@gmail.com

Thom Kahler